Saints Row: The Third DLC Announced: Enter The Dominatrix

If Saints Row: The Third and its whacky ending-clarifying Gangstas in Space DLC wasn’t enough to match your appetite for explosions, dildo bats and blow-up dolls, then prepare yourself for the newest round of content: Enter The Dominatrix.

In this upcoming standalone expansion, you’ll be entering the simulated world of the Dominatrix, cleverly skinned like the in-game city Steelport. From within its confines you’ll be fighting off alien overlord Zinyak and his race of natural resource and women snatching henchmen as they attempt to…well, snatch up your stock of natural resources and women.

Main features include new alien technology like the “Floppy Alien Tentacle Bat” and the “Alien Anal Probe”, as well as new super powers like ‘Really Really High Jump’ and the even more brilliantly named ‘Really Really Fast Sprint’. Also, there’s a can of energy juice that’s trying to kill you.

More details have been provided below, and in the form they were bestowed upon me. Trust me, if it could be written any better, I’d try.

The Dominatrix Has You

And it feels so good. Bend the Dominatrix to your will and harness an arsenal of super powers including Mind-Bending Telekinesis, Really Really High Jump, Really Really Fast Sprint, Shiny Blue Force Shield, and Shiny Blue Fireball Projectile-of-Doom.

Wondrous Alien Technology

Use Dominatrix weapons as your own, such as the Floppy Alien Tentacle Bat, the Fire-In-The-Sky Alien Abduction Ray, and the sphincter-stretching Alien Anal Probe, as well as a touch-screen telephonic device with email and map functionality. Reach out and f$%# someone.

Go Three Levels Deep

Enter the Dominatrix within the Dominatrix within the Dominatrix to recruit former Saints from the depths of your own memory to fight Zinyak. It’s all science, with just a little fiction.

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Confused yet? Good. That’s apparently what the guys and gals behind Saints Row want you to feel when the expansion launches. No release window or platform support has been given yet.